RHOC Real Estate Woes

But do they have any curb appeal?
By STEVE SICKLER
Viewing the "Really Whacked Out Housewives of Orange County" is like watching a slow-moving train approach a washed-out bridge. We all know that eventually the self-indulgent and silly lifestyle they are pursuing is going to come crashing down on them.
While you wish them no ill will, it is captivating and hysterical to watch them heading toward their cliff in slow motion. And given how most of the players in this reality show are somehow involved in the real estate market, we all know what's just around the next bend.
Since this whole show was filmed last summer, the impending melt-down in the sub-prime market was still a twinkle in a bond-trader's eye.
Oh, the signs were all there. The guy in "Real Housewives" TV show last season that they made out to be rich – Slade Smiley – was losing his house to foreclosure since he had refinanced it to keep his girlfriend Jo interested in him.
The inventory of homes on the market in Coto was near record levels. But none of this had yet dawned on our housewives, many who had just become interested in real estate.
Take the new housewife Tamra. In this last show she says "I'd been having babies for 20 years…so about a year ago I got my real estate license."
Understandably, anyone with that much experience procreating would be perfect to become a real estate agent in a "down market What better person to sell you a house that is about to lose 20 percent to 40 percent of its value?
It's also fitting that she lives in Ladera Ranch; a place that one of my mortgage broker friends tells me has one of the highest rates of second trust deeds and 100 percent financing in Orange County. Well, he used to be a mortgage broker. I think he is now selling some new miracle fitness drink made from a berry that has already passed through the digestive system of a monkey.
In any case, Ladera Ranch stands to have a whole lot of homes looking for new buyers soon. Tamra should have lots of open houses to sit through and show off her newly tanned cleavage.
Speaking of miracle drinks, we are also treated in this episode to scenes of the "spokes-models" of the OC energy drink trying to learn how to handle a Hummer.
Since they don't yet appear qualified to drive the company Hummer to their "speaking engagements," the energy drink company sends them to driving school. I hope they make it. Otherwise, we are going to miss some really fascinating syllable combinations from these girls.
For example, when they had a meeting at the company to discuss the accidents the girls had driving their energy drink Hummer, one of the girls says "that was soooo two months ago."
Or when one of them gets behind the wheel with her instructor and proceeds to yell out a number of expletives. Or when one of them describes a request as "completely random." No wonder these girls are "spokes-models." They are teaching us all a new language – "Bimboish."
Of course, the eldest spokes-model knows there are better places to make a buck while not making any sense. She is planning on getting her real estate license so she "doesn't have to marry a rich guy."
This, of course, is exactly what her Real Housewife mom, Laurie, is doing since she had never learned any marketable skills. But, she is following in her mom's footsteps in other ways.
In earlier Real Housewives episodes mom went to the Playboy mansion. So, her daughter and the other "spokes-models" on the show are getting ready for their initiation to the Playboy mansion.
I think we all know where this story is headed. Not much action in the real estate market, but there is bound to be some guys they meet at the Playboy mansion willing to get them started in a thrilling career in "modeling," "acting," and "dancing." Clothing optional. And they don't have to try to speak English like in that silly "spokes-model" gig.
And even insurance agent Vicki gets bit by the real estate bug. She decides to invest in another house in Coto de Caza. She was thinking of "downsizing."
What they don't tell you on the show is she bought at the peak of the market – with 10 percent down - from a guy that was desperate to sell. Vicki immediately put it back on the market and, seven months later, it's still for sale. One of my real estate friends tells me it would likely sell now for about 30 percent less than what she paid – a loss of more than $450,000.
This Really Whacky Housewives train is going to keep chugging along. Like the imploding real estate market, all we can do is watch. Next stop Ladera Ranch. "All aboard!"